I started hearing the circus music not long after Toby was born. I'm one of those people who always has a tune in their head. I'm not sure if everyone is like that, but there's always some song or ditty, either playing in my brain or coming out of my mouth. Sometimes I don't even realize that I'm humming away until someone comments on it, or starts singing along. The latter was the case yesterday, when I was sitting at the computer at work updating patient information, and the physiotherapist beside me started singing a song that seemed like I had heard it somewhere recently...and when I asked her why she started singing it, she gave me a strange look and said that I had been humming it. So maybe I'm crazy...but I think Toby is like me too, or maybe will be one day, because he always insists on having music playing, so maybe his brain has yet to perfect it's own play button.
I've always been a fan of the Cowboy Junkies. As a moody teenager I used to hole myself up in my room and listen to a melancholy album, feeling understood with the slow lonely songs and uplifted by the slightly more upbeat tunes. And I often found a song to relate to my current circumstances, becoming almost a theme song that I could listen to over and over again....and so many of those songs belonged to one Junkies album or another. And their slow lonely music is a good descriptor of my life before I fell in love with Bruce.
After Bruce entered the picture, his eclectic music tastes rubbed off on me and I started listening to a wide variety of music...neither of us ever got into dance music, and maybe that's because neither of us have been much into the party scene. So, it's hard to say what kind of music I identified with most, but likely Pearl Jam...something new to me that I loved. I identify Pearl Jam with excitement..whether it be the excitement of a new relationship, or the excitement of getting searched and frisked for the first time ever at a concert.
When Luke came along I started remembering songs from my childhood...often trying to google the lyrics I couldn't remember. Luke now takes comfort in the song about angels that my mom used to sing me.
I started hearing the circus music soon after Toby was born. I'm not saying it's constantly circus music in my head for the past year and a bit, but it gets more plays than normal from my song list when I'm at home with the kids. I remember trying to feed Toby, (or change Toby, or desperately stop his incessant crying) whilst Luke ran amok around the house. It didn't take Luke long to realize when I was tied up and to act up accordingly.I felt like my own life was so out of control. Then I heard it "DEE DEE DEEDLE DEEDLE DEE-DEE DE-DEEEEE!" (which I've since learned is actually called "Entrance of the Gladiators". You can click the "Welcome to the Big Top...Cue the music!" title if you don't know it.) and it made me smile. Sometimes when I feel so stressed out I'm ready to explode, I quietly sing that little ditty to myself and it calms...almost soothes me. Circus music soothing?!? I know that must sound totally absurd. Like that bearded lady (not that I've actually seen one in a circus)...think of how many women love to be stared at for their appearance...and that is why electrolysis and all those other hair removal products are around...just think of it ladies, you could avoid all that trouble, grow yourself a nice thick beard and get even more second glances...I know, absurd, but amusing, like so many things in life. But that music, I think I find it calming because it reminds me not to take life so seriously...just to relax and enjoy the show. At any rate, that music...that "DEE DEE DEEDLE DEEDLE DEE-DEE DE-DEEEEE!" has become an anthem to my life right now, which, just like the music, can be so annoying that you want to pull your hair out, cover your ears and yell make it stop...but at the same time it makes you so very happy.
Friday, June 20, 2008
So I've spent some time thinking about this whole blogging thing, and whether it's really something worthwhile to do with my time. I know journals and diaries are known to be therapeutic (for any of you younger people out there...that was a blog that people wrote on paper in a book for their own benefit...not to be confused with celebrity "autobiographies", used as a best-selling source of trash on other celebrities). I also know that in the past when I've tried a diary or journal, it doesn't take long until the pages are left blank with good intentions to get to it another day. So if I have any blog readers out there don't go expecting a new blog every day or even every week. Like so many of my other project this will likely end up sitting in a pile of "one day I'll get back to it" projects, but for now I guess I should get back on track and decide if I should even give this blogging thing a go. I lead a rather unexciting life...some may even call it boring. So, I have to wonder if I even have anything worthwhile to post in a blog. Sometimes interesting things happen at work, but for those of you who may not know I'm a nurse at a children's hospital, so pretty much all of those interesting stories are un-postable due to confidentiality issues. I have a few friends who would probably log on once or twice to just to see what I'm posting, but I'm guessing interest would taper, as those people could just look at my facebook status lines and pictures. I probably could be much more productive if instead of blogging, I simply spend that amount of time cleaning up this messy house, or actually washing the piles of laundry that are accumulating in the bedrooms...but if I enjoyed doing that kind of thing I certainly would live in a much cleaner house already. So, I guess what it boils down to is that I'm going to blog, not to amuse anyone, but to simply avoid the housework I don't want to do...like when I was a kid and I was made to clean my messy room, and I'd find some toy that hadn't interested me in months, but I'd start playing with it, just to avoid cleaning the rest of the room. Eventually, my mom would step in and start helping me...so if anyone out there in cyberspace feels like coming and lending a hand getting my house cleaned and my grocery shopping done, feel free. In the meantime I'll keep blogging to avoid it, and if I entertain someone along the way, all the better!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Okay, so I like to pretend I'm all computer savvy, but truth be told I've never even written a blog before...at least until now that is. SO, I'm really not sure what to write. I guess firstly I'd like to dedicate this first blog entry to a fellow blogger...joyce. Now there's a woman who's got it all together. I've only met her live once, but that was enough. It was in a dentist's office...no, I wasn't there for a check-up or a filling...I was there to buy a bag. You see joyce uses a blog right here on blogspot to help others. This woman makes bags so gorgeous that the pictures don't do them justice, and it's not like she lives alone in a quiet house with nothing to do but sew bags, she does it whilst raising a family and then some. So I had managed to snag myself one of her beautiful creations and she was heading into the city, so I had the perfect opportunity to meet this wonderful person. Do we meet at some fancy little cafe for a latte...nope because we're both moms with more important things to do. And because of that I met Joyce as she was bringing her daughter into town for a dentist appointment. But this ordinary dentist's office had been converted by Joyce into a temporary daycare centre. There she was with a gaggle of toddlers in tow running errands. If they were her own kids it would be one thing, but these were other people's kids and there they were all playing nicely in a dentist's office waiting room. I had left my kids at home as it was a day off for my husband. I've got only 2 kids (and they're both fruit of my loins), but I was so grateful to not have to drag them out to pick up this bag, and there she was...not pulling out her hair or screaming at the kids, just calmly smiling and being the kind, caring person it is so obvious that she is. And hopefully I too can one day get my act together like that, although I doubt it, but it sure is nice to meet people who make you want to become a better person yourself. So if you read this Re-Joyce, hats off to you, and if you're ever in the city with nothing to do, give me a call and I'll treat you to a latte.